Life At Large

Well, people, I'M SORRY!!!

been getting shot down in MSN by most ppl about the lack of updates over here on my blog and that even when i do put up something its gotta do with everything but me. But yes, well, i've been busy alright?

And even that is something everybody in my little world seems to shoot me down for. DONN? He's always busy. He's never home on time. He's never at class on time if its his working day. He can't make it for group meetings cos he's gotta go back to JB on weekends. He doesn't meet his frens cos he's got to make time for other ppl who hasn't met and is REQUIRED to meet or else face the music. He doesn't have the time to talk on the phone cos he's gotta attend to other issues at hand. DINNER MEETING? Forget it dude, he ain't gonna make it. BOY'S NIGHT OUT? Oh trust me, something will come up particularly right on that day. And ppl, i'm way too busy for my own good at times and i'm really sick of it.

The idea of the lack of time never really struck me hard till i started cancelling meetings with frens, the lil' catch up's, the coffee's, the dinners... all cos of other commitments. and those commitments can most days ad most times be nerve wrecking cos its those things that require that extra time or things go awry. and gosh is it difficult to deal with those. i hope i ain't confusing ya'll by talking in riddles, but well, tts just the way things are in my life right now. Friends, romans and countrymen, they are all but a dream right now.

Focus, my focus right now is quite simple. Stay safe till ORD, which is coming around the bend. less than 4 months and it'll be over with. After which, full time studies hopefully? I don't know. Have financial commitments as well. At this tender age of 21. Bills to pay. Insurance to pay. family contributions. Self maintanence. Seems kinda like a dream. And when i watch stupid movies with teenage stars with millions in their pocket, it just makes me wonder, about the fairness and equality of the world. Just imagine a well fed, fashion blessed, gorgeously roofed kid and compare him\her with a kid out of a desert in Africa, malnutritioned, sleeping under trees, maybe a thatched hut if they're lucky, dry from the lack of water and eating roots and even grubs. All those millions. Think about what the RICH could do if they only THOUGHT about it. If only they could FEEL the pain of all those millions who suffer and have no voice. Really, just what is this world all about?

okayyyy.... Back to the topic, while i'm trying to stay safe and outt sight and lay low till ORD, i' trying very hard to focus on my studies. My books just arrived from LONDON!! *APPLAUSE* If not for Mr Frenky Tjioe, i wonder how our whole class would have just sat ard waiting for our books. He's a mover he is. Hats of to you Frenky!! And after that wondrous ORD date, i'm planning to sit my ass at home and study till my head hurts for those exams in MAY and ace them. I have promises to keep and this is certainly asblatant and rude and in the face as i can get to reminding myself what i owe myself. This after all is something only i can do aye? No one's going to write those papers for me and say, "hey, u made it, 2nd yr beckons!", are they? That's certainly not the way this world is. I have plans. And yes I have a dream. Like that song ya know? By the artiste Common. i have a dream. Yes, i still have one. I really feel that song. and dudes and dudettes out there, i'm gonna make those dreams come true.

And right now, with my 7 stitch toe which hurts like hell, i'm heading to bed. With the hope that tomorrow, will be a good day. with less rain, less pain and a whole lot more gain. Diwali has been alright. Nothing remarkable, but alright. you know ppl, in life, we gotta work hard to get what we want and where we want. I've realised that and it's time to work. Good nite everyone. Thank you for tuning in. =D

Adios.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

he wanders

He fits the key to the slot of his flat. Hoping, just hoping that someone would open it before he has to turn it. Hoping that the door would not be locked. He pauses for a second, two, and then he turns the key. The lock gives way. Locked, it most certainly was. As always.

The days he returned home to a family were long over. Open windows, doors, the scent of food cooking on the stove. Days gone by, years gone by. He wonders what took it all away. What changed things so fast, that it did not even inform him as it flew by. He wonders, whether he's been left behind. Wonders how he even came to be in the first place.

Family, the ever so important glass ball that people juggle along with the others. Many choose to drop it as life goes by and he wonders why. Are the other glass balls really as important as that? Does the fact that they are ALL 'glass balls' mean anything? Each is as fragile as the other he realises. Its just whether there are too many and which ones weigh heavier on your hands.

Sacrifices are hard choices to make. Its almost always between two or more things you want, but cannot have all of. He wanders over to the bathroom and turns on the shower. Cold, not hot, as per his norm. Just to feel the difference. Just to feel. Its been a long time since he has felt. A long time. The cold causes a chill to go through his spine. He smiles. Leans his head back into the shower, to let the cold water run over his face. And he begins to cry.

He reaches for the button. Turns off the shower. No tear stained face he thinks.

Expectations. To live up to. Failures, from the past. To forget. Obstacles. To overcome. Pressure, from everywhere. To ignore. Live it, he thinks. Life is, after all meant to be lived. The decisions made, solely yours and yours alone. Easier said than done isn't it? When even a minute, a second, can change a persons life entirely. Those same decisions. He stares into the mirror. Rubs his clean shaven chin and smirks. All the ironies of life.

Every single person is selfish in their own ways. Their own wants, needs and desires. The other person never matters. Family, he thinks again. Where are they? Why the ego, when this part of life required none? He dresses. A fresh shirt, cargo's and he was good to go. A fleeting look at the mirror as he passed assured him he looked fine. No one was around after all to tell him how he looked.

Putting on his sneakers, he started walking. The cold wind on his face. Yet, he seemed oddly distant and above such things as the wind at the moment. He smiled. And then he started running. He could feel. He was free. For how long he would run, he did not know. All he knew was that it kept him within himself.

he wanders.

Musings

If you think you are in control of a situation in life, take a hard look around you. There likely are much larger forces at play. Every situation in life never lasts. Each goes on as per the days. The sun will still rise and set. And your body will still hunger for food. Days go by and times change. Situations change. You are never in control.

Ponder.

Optimists Creed

I Promise Myself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness & prosperity to every person i meet.
To make all my friends feel there is something worthwhile in them.

To look on the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,and too happy to permit the precence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Christian D. Larson

Religion

Something on religion for people to meditate upon:

"As the different streams having their sources in different paths which men take through different tendencies, various though they appear, crooked or straight, all lead to Thee."

"That we turn always the few distant truths and the symbols or the particular discipline of a religion into a hard & fast dogmas, is a sign that as yet we are only infants in the spiritual knowledge and are yet far from the science of the Infinite."

"The mind is not the highest possible power of consciousness; for the mind is not in possession of Truth, but only its ignorant seeker."

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

"All men are created by God & therefore must be free to worship in any manner they like. I neither convert others by force, nor submit to force, to change my faith."

"There is only one Truth, only men describe it in different ways."


~Broaden your minds. Widen your perspectives. Look beyond what is given.